Last week I wrote about the image of our lives as being like living in a hut with four windows.  Each window has a frame, embossed with a ‘philosophical perspective’, which means we frame the “reality” we see through each window differently.  The four “frames”, or the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths, are:

1. Life is difficult (or suffering, or frustrating).

2. Life is without difficulty, provided we refrain from picking and choosing (between outcomes).  (That is to say, it is not difficult if we simply accept that we got what we got!)

3. Life is both difficult and non-difficult (or frustrating and pleasurable; or painful and pleasurable) – in that it contains objectively difficult and objectively pleasurable bits.  And:

4. Life is neither difficult nor non-difficult, in that “difficult” and “non-difficult (or pleasurable)” are just concepts; words; sounds in the air; and not “realities”!

This is a helpful model because it prevents “the rush towards premature cognitive commitment”.  That is to say, to the extent that I keep reminding myself of these four “window frames”, or noble truths, I cannot engage in knee-jerk responses to life.  I have to give up saying: “This is tish!”  “That is great!” and so on.  Because the idea that “This is tish!” - or “That is great!” - is a unitary view of the world.  That is to say, it assumes there is a single “god’s eye view” of life that can be determined by some individual to be absolutely true.  And that seems never to be the case!  There are always at least four ways to look at any situation – or four windows to look through.

Later it occurred to me that those four ways of looking at any situation – like the crashing of my website, for example – is itself too simplistic.  There are many more ways than four to look at any situation.  This (further multiplication of perspectives) slows down the “decision making process” even more – and prevents that mad dash to “premature cognitive commitment” which says: “This is total tish!  I can’t stand this great adversity!” 

The next model that returned to me was Dr Edward De Bono’s ‘Six Thinking Hats’.  While I am sitting “in my hut” looking out through Window No.2 – which says: “Life is without difficulty, provided I avoid picking and choosing” – I can also ask myself “Which Thinking Hat am I wearing at the moment?  And which Hat – or series of Hats – would be best to use in this situation, in order to optimize my solution to this present problem?”

Edward De Bono created the Six Thinking Hats model because he considered that there are (at least) six discrete skills involved in thinking, which are: Collecting information (White Hat); Positive evaluation of information (Yellow Hat); Values and feelings (Red Hat); Creative thinking (Green Hat); Planning and organizing our thinking tasks (Blue Hat); and, finally: Critical judgement (Black Hat).  (For more detail on this model, please check out this description: http://www.draftymanor.com/bart/sixhats.htm.) 

So as I sit looking out through Window No.2, in which “Life is without difficulty, provided I avoid picking and choosing (between having my website crash, or having my website succeed greatly)”, I can also ask myself: “How could I plan my thinking about how to retrieve this situation?” (Blue Hat); and “What information do I need to collect in order to decide on a goal and a direction?” (White Hat).

So partly I need to manage my emotions effectively, in the face of life’s difficulties; but also I need to think clearly and effectively about how to plan and implement actions that will move me in positive directions in my life.

Next week I will say some more about the Six Thinking Hats, and some other tools that De Bono developed.

Try to avoid excessive peering through Window Number 1 (“Life is Difficult!”) – and try to use some other hats than the Black one (which says “This is risky; this is dangerous; this is no good!  This is why it won’t work!”)  And "Ke-e-e-e-e-p thinking!

Best wishes,

Jim

Dr Jim Byrne
ABC Coaching and Counselling Services

Arrogance and complacency about our approach to life can lead to trouble, especially emotional and behavioural trouble: unhappiness with a capital 'U'.

For a long time, I thought I had my philosophy of life pretty well sewn up. Then I hit a major problem with my (old) website, which had serious financial implications for me and my family. Then I felt very stressed, and posted a note to that effect at Facebook, for my friends and relations to see. It was meant to be a statement of Stoical coping with a difficult situation, but it did not come out quite like that.

A friend contacted me about my message to hope that I would not long have to suffer, even if (as she knew) I happen to be particularly resilient. That started me thinking, and the strands of my thoughts are revealed in the following Facebook message that I sent back to my friend:
 

MESSAGE TO A SYMPATHETIC FRIEND
 

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your concern and good wishes. When I wrote that ‘Life is very, …very, difficult. Tough stuff!’, I thought I was making an empowering philosophical statement. What happened was that my old website crashed, decimating my online business, with significant financial implications for me. My new website had not taken off, and is still difficult for anybody to find. And so I am stalled in terms of my aim of reaching out to help people, and of earning a living over the internet. However, I was trying to be Stoical about my loss, and to avoid getting overly upset about it. I thought I was succeeding valiantly.

When you responded, I could see that my communication was more ambiguous than I had intended; and that there was more to this statement that I had made than originally met my eye.

It is in fact a restatement of the original insight of the Buddha Gautama, who famously said ‘Life is suffering’. However, until you responded, I had not made the connection that this was his ‘starting point’, and not his ‘eventual discovery’.

After 16 years of inquiry, study and meditation, the Buddha concluded with a second insight, which is:

“Life is without difficulty, provided you avoid picking and choosing”.

And that was what I was doing. I was reasonably upset because I was choosing that my business not have been decimated, when it actually had. I was resisting reality.

Your message woke me up to that oversight on my part. I would now prefer to say:

“Even though my internet business has all but collapsed, I insist on refraining from picking and choosing. I accept this outcome, and will try to rectify it in the midterm future”.

That seems like a more deserving utterance for the claim of making an empowering philosophical statement. I accept the things I cannot change, and commit myself to change the things I can, right now, and as I proceed into the next moment, and the next, and the next.

Thank you for your kind words, and for waking me up to my sloppy thinking.

~~~

See Part 2 of this statement on the foot of the Philosophy of Life page.

~~~

PS: I hope this helps to stimulate your thinking, dear reader; and also, please take a look at the new page 'About Albert Ellis'.

~~~

Work goes on to retrieve the mess following the collapse of my website, which lost me my ranking on all the major search engines. But that's okay: life is supposed to be tough!

We have recently seen the spectacle of British Members of Parliament being found with their snouts in the trough of public money, claiming for all kinds of "expenses", including pornographic videos (the Home Secretary!), repairs to moats and drawbridges (High Tories!) and on and on. This is an example of what we call in CENT a manifestation of the "bad wolf", or the bad side of the human heart.

We are each split between the bad and the good, permanently and irretrievably; and it is only by committing ourselves to develop our "good wolf" side that we can hope to behave reasonably well on a consistent basis. This is an uncommon thing to hear from a counsellor. But CENT is no ordinary counselling sytem, being predicated primarily on moral philosophy, and then on the concept of humans as story-tellers!

If you are having a hard time in the world, this might be because the world is giving you a hard time, or it might be because your "karma" is bad because you have not been restraining your own "bad wolf". If you want to live a happy life, you have to learn the self-discipline of cultivating your good side, and constraining and shrinking your bad side. By and large, we reap what we sow! So if you want a better life, start living as a better person!

Not what you wanted to hear? Nevertheless, these words may still serve you well. 

Best wishes for a happy (self generated) life,

Jim

Dr Jim Byrne
Doctor of Counselling
ABC Coaching and Counselling Services

Hi,
Life is difficult, frustrating, and sometimes downright awkward!  But we soldier on.  Try to laugh at the difficulties.  The current issue of Scientific American Mind contains a lengthy article, based on recent research, which shows that smiling  and laughing  are good for you brain, your immune system, your physical and psychological health; and they also make you look more attractive!   And they don't cost anything!  You can just CHOOSE happiness.  Just decide that, no matter what, you are going to choose to feel happy, to smile at others, and to laugh at the difficulties of life.   'Laughter is the best medicine!'

In addition to the article on Anger Management below, I am today adding an article on Overcoming Fear and Anxiety.  Hope you enjoy it.

Best wishes.
That's all for now.
Jim

Dr Jim Byrne
Doctor of Counselling
ABC Coaching and Counselling Services