Couples Therapy for emotional, behavioural and relationship difficulties or communicatons breakdowns

 "Loving relationships are a result of a commitment to being loving, and a rejection of anger, hatred, selfishness, and other negative emotions". 

If you are feeling distressed or despondent about the current state of your sex-love relationship, then do not despair.  I can help you.  Contact me today to discuss your problem.

Email: Dr Jim Byrne, ABC Coaching and Counselling Services

It follows from this description of pair bonds/marriages/ co-habiting relationships that they are for "grown-ups". It is impossible to sustain this level of commitment and cooperation from a position of being a "needy child". And the relationship is destroyed by petulance, controlling behaviour, criticality, sarcasm, lack of commitment, exploitative or non-egalitarian attitudes, physical or emotional absence, verbal or physical aggression, coldness, and an unwillingness to put logs on the fire of love before you get any heat!

"If you would like help with your relationship, then phone Jim Byrne today,

01422 847 882 (from inside the UK).

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Being successful in sex-love relationships should not be taken for granted. It is not a perfectly effortless activity. In fact it is very skilful and very much an art form. Even Einstein did not master it:

"On the fifteenth of March 1955, Albert Einstein wrote a note of condolence to the family of his friend Michele Besso, who had died a week earlier. The letter begins with an excruciating confession about his own life: 'What I admired most about Michele was the fact that he was able to live so many years with one woman, not only in peace but in constant unity, something I (Einstein) have failed at twice'." (c) Josh Baran, 2003.

From this I conclude that, to succeed at science or technology, and to receive a Nobel Prize, means very little (to most people) if they cannot hold a happy relationship together. Or, more topically, to be a great business-person, but to neglect and lose one's family, is a great self-inflicted misfortune. Successful relating is part of the essence of the definition of Success, according to Dr Robert Montgomery: (‘The Truth About Success and Motivation’).  And Paul Getty, who at one time was the richest man in the world, said on his deathbed that he would give up all his millions of dollars for one experience of happy marriage!

Or, as Relate would advise: "If you are about to be married, it's time to seek relationship help. The latest advice from marriage guidance experts is that we need to take 'preventive' action to escape divorce".

*The Observer*, 24th November 1996.

As mentioned elsewhere on this website, I went through marriage guidance counselling, using Transactional Analysis (TA) - plus communications training - in 1984. I then trained myself in the system of couples therapy developed by Albert Ellis and Janet Wolfe; and added in learning from John Gottman, the marriage guidance expert at the University of Washington, and various other wise individuals. As a result, I have had a remarkably happy and fulfilled marriage since that time. I have also had considerable success in helping couples to work through their marital and other relationship difficulties, and to forge stronger and better pair bonds. See in particular the article from Spirit and Destiny here.

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You don’t have to be an Einstein to know that unhappy couples most often drift apart over time, or (worse!) stay together and punish each other for far too long. You don’t have to be an Einstein to recognize when you are out of your depth! If you don’t know how to build a relationship, then it’s about 100% certain that you will fail. You would not try to drive a car without some lessons – unless you are totally off your chump – so why assume you can figure out for yourself how to have a successful relationship, especially if you come from a family in which mum and dad were not good role models of happy coupling? (Our core definition of "relationship" is what we saw and heard mum and dad do, and fail to do, when we were too young to critically evaluate what was happening.  So, in our guts, relationship means "what mom and dad did".  Or, which is just as bad: "the opposite of what mum and dad did!".

One solution would be to sign up for some personalized coaching and counselling, with Jim Byrne, in how to resolve the problems in your most important relationship?

I am in my eleventh year in private practice in Hebden Bridge and Halifax, and all over the world via the telephone system and by computer.  Over that time I have helped almost 500 individuals, including dozens of couples. Here are a few testimonials from that work:

• "Dear Jim, ... Great news! Michelle and I have been getting on really well for at least the past three months, for which we largely have you and Albert Ellis to thank! I still keep working on my thinking. It is amazing that I still find a lot of unhelpful ideas, and screwy ideas, washing around in my mind. You will be pleased to know that I persist with identifying and challenging them, and replacing them with more helpful ideas, just like you taught me". C.G., Paris, France. (Eight sessions of telephone counselling, including some couples counselling by telephone; plus a few email exchanges).

• "Hi Jim, ... I have learned so much from you over the past six months. There are now so many things I can do to make myself feel better that I just didn't see before. ... Thank you so much again for all your help over the months. Your advice was great and you had the perfect blend of wisdom, suggestion and gentle nudging! I loved it that you used humour and allowed me to work away at things at my own pace (...). You really suited me perfectly and I'm glad I found you". C.C, Edinburgh, Scotland. (Six sessions of telephone counselling, plus four exchanges of coaching emails).

• "Thank you for your input, which was invaluable and helped me along on my journey. I have got some really good stuff out of our work; 'How I deal with the problem with my wife’, was cracking coaching. Helping me recognise how I pile on secondary anxiety atop of the first problem, was a real breakthrough too". K.M.G., Glasgow. (Three sessions of telephone counselling, combined with email exchanges).

You can contact Jim Byrne by email at ABC Coaching.

Or you can phone me on 01422 847 882 (from inside the UK);

or 44 1422 847 882 (from outside the UK).

Or take a look at the following pages for more information on my services:

-- Face-to-face coaching and counsellingin Halifax and Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire; or:

-- Telephone counselling(or internet counselling), from any part of the globe (apart from the state of California).

Dr Jim Byrne

ABC Coaching and Counselling Services

jim.byrne@abc-counselling.com

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THE CHARACTERISTICS OF HAPPY PEOPLE:

ENGAGEMENT IN MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY

"We humans are by nature problem-solvers. We are generally happier when actively engaged in some reasonably challenging task, rather than passively witnessing other people's experiences on a TV screen. Happy people spend at least some of the time engaged in meaningful and satisfying activities. Happy children socialise, play games and learn in the classroom; happy adults throw themselves into their jobs, hobbies, sports or voluntary work. The precise nature of the activity seems to be unimportant, provided it is reasonably demanding and worthwhile. Bored people with nothing much to do are seldom very happy". Paul Martin (2005): Making Happy People, page 53.

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MORE ON COUPLES THERAPY

Couples therapy is an opportunity for both of you to review your life together, to see if you are working in the same general direction, are both managing to find time to achieve your goals, and are enjoying the pleasures of being coupled. Communications breakdowns are a common area of difficulty, and can be rectified by retraining.

With couple disturbance, there is normally some degree of upset on both sides, though one partner may think they are uniquely affected in a negative way by their partner. Again these disturbances can be overcome by rethinking your attitudes towards each other.

However, in the worst case scenario, emerging incompatibilities may put a question-mark over the long-term continuation of the relationship.

You can experience couples therapy with me in face to face meetings in Hebden Bridge or Halifax; or over the Internet. The face-to-face option is STRONGLY PREFERABLE, and (normally) involves double sessions, so that each client gets their own 45 minutes of session time - so the fee is double that which applies to individual counselling sessions, coaching and therapy. (See the *Information Pack*for information on my sliding scale of fees for face-to-face work. Telephone counseling costs a standard fee of $50 USD). Please use the telephone and email contact details below to discuss or book face to face counselling for couples. Or send an email to ABC Coaching and Counselling Services.

Alternatively, couples (who cannot get to meetings) can work online with me, using two different computer terminals; two different telephone handsets; or the same phone on alternate dates/times; or the same phone with a common loudspeaker. (A common loudspeaker allows both partners to hear what I am saying simultaneously). To sign up for online couples' therapy, or for relationship skills training online, or by phone, please go to the *Online Therapy* page.

You can contact Jim Byrne by email at ABC Coaching.

Or you can phone me on 01422 847 882 (from inside the UK);

or 44 1422 847 882 (from outside the UK).

Or take a look at the following pages for more information on my services:

-- Face-to-face coaching and counsellingin Halifax and Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire; or:

-- Telephone counselling(or internet counselling), from any part of the globe (apart from the state of California).

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Professional help with problems of anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, hurt, relationship problems, confidence problems, and stress management difficulties.