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Manage your anger better - and have a happier life!A coaching and counselling process by Dr Jim Byrne GET A CALMER, HAPPIER, MORE ENJOYABLE LIFE
Doctor of Counselling March 2009/January 2010/September 2010/May 2011
Welcome to the Anger Management page.
If you are determined to control your anger, and you can see that it costs you more than you gain from making yourself angry, then I can help you. Why not call me today, on 44 1422 843 629 (from outside the UK), or 01422 843 629 (from inside the UK). Or email me at: jim.byrne@abc-counselling.com
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~~~ My approach to anger management is a fusion of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT/CBT), Transactional Analysis (TA), Attachment Theory, Zen Buddhism, and a number of other therapies and philosophies which work particularly well together. I have integrated all these systems into a new system of therapy which I call Cognitive Emotive Narrative Therapy (CENT). The CENT theory of anger says: 1. You were born with an innate capacity to develop angry, anxious and depressed responses to your social environment - in response to frustrations, threats and losses. 2. You then encountered your mother, who already had a ‘style of relating', based on her attachment style with her own mother and father. She would have shaped your emotional expression by: (a) Modelling an approach to relationship and emotions; and: (b) Rewarding and penalizing you for you emotion expressions, including your angry outbursts in the first couple of years of your life. 3. Your father's approach to relationship, including emotion expression, especially his way of expressing (or suppressing) anger, would have been the next major influence on the development of your emotion expression, including your way of being angry - implosive or explosive. 4. If both of your parents had a secure attachment to their own parents, they would have had a warm but assertive approach to relating to you. From them you would have learned to be secure in your relationship with them, and, by extension, with virtually all subsequent relationships. You would have learned to express healthy anger in an assertive way to ask for what you want, and to say no to what you do not want. You would not have any significant problems with anger. 5. However, if one or both of your parents had an insecure attachment to their own parents, they would have had an insecure attachment to you, and been either explosively or implosively angry with you when you frustrated them or broke their personal rules. From them, you would have learned to engage in unhealthy anger expression of an explosive or implosive type, or a mixture of the two, varying from situation to situation. 6. If you want to change your relationship style today, you need to experience secure relationship with another person - possibly a romantic partner, or a good therapist who understands how to build a secure relationship with you. You need to learn that explosive anger costs you, in terms damage to relationships and careers, for examples; and that implosive anger - sulking and stewing in your own angry juices - damages your ongoing happiness, your relationships at home and at work, and ultimately you physical and mental health. 7. You can improve your relationship and attachment style by studying and applying new ideas from emotional literacy and self-assertion. And I can teach those ideas and skills to you. ~~~ Sometimes the reframing of an anger-inducing stimulus is the best solution to the problem. In the case of somebody jumping in front of you on a queuing line you have a choice between two healthy options, and two unhealthy options. The two healthy options are as follows: (1) You can either assert yourself with them; or (2) you can reframe the experience so you do not feel overly upset about it. The two unhealthy options are a follows: (1) You can make yourself irate with that individual, and you can then confront them aggressively and start a row with them; or (2) You can make yourself irate with them, and then sulk silently about their rotten behaviour, stewing in your own angry juices for a considerable period of time. So you have to learn to choose. And I can teach you how to do that. ~~~ For more information, you could call me on 44 1422 843 629 (from outside the UK), or 01422 843 629 (from inside the UK) to discuss setting up a telephone counselling session, or a face to face meeting in Halifax or Hebden Bridge; or in London, Leeds or Manchester. Or you can email me at jim.byrne@abc-counselling.com ~~~ To begin with, you might want to see what REBT theory teaches about how to manage your anger. This can be found on the 'What is REBT?' page. Or take a look at CENT Paper No.11: Understanding anger in yourself and other people. The advantage of counselling sessions is that I can digest all this information, as it applies to your problem of anger, quickly and efficiently, and teach you the key points you need to focus upon and change. ~~~ Dr Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counseling, ABC Coaching and Counselling Services, Hebden Bridge, Halifax, London, Leeds and Manchester. For anger management coaching and counselling services.~~~ ... |
Dr Jim Byrne